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CMS | Dr. Magic Flute Cures Viruses With His Dick!

On this episode, Neeley and Chris read a story about a doctor called Dr. Magic Flute who says he can cure women's HPV by having sex with them. Following, they do a story about a girl that shot her vagina doing an online sex show.

Get all our episodes at www.theclassicmetalshow.com.

NOTE: Everything said here, and on every episode of all of our shows are 100% the opinions of the hosts. Nothing is stated as fact. Do your own research to see if their opinions are true or not.

https://rumble.com/vpws8d-cms-dr.-magic-flute-cures-viruses-with-his-dick.html

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00:00:53
Why is Don Jamieson the Last National Act to Play This Iconic Club?

Seth Williams and Chris Akin aren't here to play by the rules or read from a corporate script. In this raw, unedited session, the guys are joined by special guest and comedian Don Jamieson to pull back the curtain on the "death" of the legendary Funny Stop. Between Seth’s "swollen ball syndrome" updates and the arrival of restaurant reporter Tony Musachio from the new and improved SHOOTERS, this is the high-octane chaos the mainstream media is too terrified to broadcast. If you want the truth from a comedy veteran who has seen it all, you’re in the right place.

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Featured On This Episode:

Special Guest Don Jamieson: The comedy vet discusses being the final national headliner at the Funny Stop.

The Death of Local Comedy: Don Jamieson breaks down the reality of closing iconic rooms.

The "Gateway Band" Theory: Don and the guys debate how to indoctrinate friends into ...

01:04:08
Don't Wait For Our GREAT Chat with Heaven & Hell's Vinny Appice!

Vinnie Appice reveals the "drum machine" drama behind Black Sabbath's final studio album with Dio. Lawsuits, legends, and loud drums. Watch now! #Metal #Sabbath

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00:00:26
DEAD ARTIST LAWSUITS & AIRPLANE SEAT SQUATTERS! (Audio)

Why is everyone still suing Michael Jackson's estate? Neeley and Chris are giving their honest take on the skepticism surrounding the latest legal battle and reviewing the trailer for the upcoming MICHAEL biopic. We're also talking about the tragedy of the woman who fell off the cruise ship and the infuriating new trend of "seat squatting" on planes. Finally, CMS Producer Weezie honors our lost friend, Bob Nalbandian. Share and follow for the metal-fueled truth! Get commercial-free episodes by joining Rumble Premium at https://rumble.com/premium. Hail and Kill! Join the rebellion!

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DEAD ARTIST LAWSUITS & AIRPLANE SEAT SQUATTERS! (Audio)
Agnostic Front BASSIST on DMC & Their Bold New Sound! (Audio)

Seriously, how do you keep your music fresh when you're a band with a decades-long history? It's tough! Chris chats with Agnostic Front bassist Mike Gallo about their latest, ECHOES OF ETERNITY. They talk about the killer sound improvements, what it was like working with a legend like DMC for the first time, and the guts it takes to try new things as a legacy act. Don't just listen—hit that share button, follow us, and subscribe to Rumble Premium for more! Hail and Kill! Join the rebellion!

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Agnostic Front BASSIST on DMC & Their Bold New Sound! (Audio)
LEMMY SMASHES MIXING BOARD! KING DIAMOND'S $26K HANDOUT! (Audio)

What’s crazier: Lemmy destroying a multi-million dollar mixing board with a cheeseburger, or King Diamond getting $26,000 a year from his government just for being an artist? Neeley and Chris tackle these wild metal stories! We also review George Lynch's new single, which he released after admitting he totally lied about retiring. Hint: the guys are NOT impressed. Plus, check out the insane guitar talent from a young private school student. Like, follow, and share this video! Get commercial-free episodes and more by joining Rumble Premium at https://rumble.com/premium. Hail and Kill! Join the rebellion!

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BUY CHRIS AKIN'S BEST BOOKS HERE:

Call Me Chris by Chris Akin - https://amzn.to/44TDIZ4 Little Victories by Chris Akin - https://amzn.to/43A143y ...AND OTHER THINGS I SHOULD NOT SAY... By Chris ...

LEMMY SMASHES MIXING BOARD! KING DIAMOND'S $26K HANDOUT! (Audio)
New Dave Landau Show

Got permission to talk about this, but my buddy Dave Landau has a new show on Blaze called Stu and Dave Do America first week of April on BlazeTV.

I’m sure it’s gonna be great!!

Stay tuned!!

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Outside Of The CMS World, But In The CHRIS AKIN World...

I know some of you are fascinated with my whole "burn" story, so I'll share this for you. I recently did the "Girls with Grafts" podcast, which is the official podcast of The Phoenix Society. The Phoenix Society is the biggest burn organization in the world. I was really honored to be asked to be on, and this might just lead to me speaking at their huge annual convention in July.

In any event, this is DEFINITELY outside of the CMS world, but if you want some real talk about my accident, this is a REALLY great chat I had with Rachel from Girls with Grafts".

Let me know if you dig it!!

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DIMMU BORGIR ANNOUNCE NEW ALBUM GRAND SERPENT RISING

Eight years after the release of their critically acclaimed album Eonian, Norwegian symphonic black metal titans DIMMU BORGIR return with a towering new opus: Grand Serpent Rising. Set for release on May 22 via Nuclear Blast Records, the album delivers thirteen punishing yet remarkably diverse tracks that reaffirm the band’s status as one of the most formidable forces in extreme music.



Shagrath comments: “I truly feel we’ve outdone ourselves musically on this album. It’s been a long and demanding process, but seeing how it all came together makes it incredibly rewarding. Grand Serpent Rising reflects every era of Dimmu Borgir - This album carries echoes of every chapter of Dimmu Borgir’s legacy - I believe our fans will recognize that, and find something within it that truly resonates.”

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Even the sheer weight of the album title speaks volumes.

"It fits perfectly," guitarist Silenoz explains. “Dimmu Borgir is a leviathan of a band on a grand scale and we are rising once again. While the serpent represents evil to some, for us it symbolizes something else: renewal, growth, knowledge, and liberation. Shedding our skin, so to speak. And let’s not forget that February 2026 marks the end of the Year of the Snake, roughly the same moment this album was completed.”

Grand Serpent Rising was recorded in Gothenburg with acclaimed producer Fredrik Nordström, whose legacy with the band includes landmark releases Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia and Death Cult Armageddon. The collaboration once again captures the band at their most expansive and ferocious, blending orchestral grandeur with unrelenting black metal intensity.

Alongside the album announcement, the band unveils a cinematic video for the track 'Ulvgjeld & Blodsodel'. Sung in Norwegian, the song stands as a punishing epic rooted in themes of heritage and bloodline - the passing of something essential from one generation to the next.

In October 2026, two of the most influential forces in extreme metal join together for a monumental live assault: DIMMU BORGIR and BEHEMOTH will embark on the 'In League With Satan' Co-Headline Tour, storming across Europe and the UK. As special guests, the Swedish black metal icons Dark Funeral will add even more ferocity to an already devastating lineup.

TOUR DATES

IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN TOUR 2026

09 Oct 2026 – Zurich, Switzerland – Halle 622
10 Oct 2026 – Zwickau, Germany – Sparkassen-Arena Zwickau
11 Oct 2026 – Esch-sur-Alzette, Luxembourg – Rockhal
13 Oct 2026 – Milan, Italy – Alcatraz
14 Oct 2026 – Munich, Germany – Zenith
16 Oct 2026 – Paris, France – Zenith
18 Oct 2026 – Den Bosch, Netherlands – Mainstage
20 Oct 2026 – Cologne, Germany – Palladium
22 Oct 2026 – Hamburg, Germany – Inselpark Arena
23 Oct 2026 – Berlin, Germany – Columbiahalle
24 Oct 2026 – Brno, Czech Republic – Hala Vodova
27 Oct 2026 – Helsinki, Finland – Ice Hall
29 Oct 2026 – Stockholm, Sweden – B-K
30 Oct 2026 – Copenhagen, Denmark – K.B. Hallen

LINE UP:
Shagrath - vocals
Silenoz - guitars
Damage - guitars
Victor - bass
Gerlioz - keyboards
Daray - drums

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Ticketmaster’s Private Slack Messages Reveal How Much They HATE You

https://www.rumble.com/c/cms

Live Nation and Ticketmaster aren't just overcharging you; they are laughing at your "stupid" ass while they do it. New court documents reveal private messages between executives calling fans "stupid" for paying $300 for parking and $1,800 in "service fees" for Metallica tickets. We're breaking down the corporate greed that has turned the concert industry into a legal mugging.

STOP GETTING RIPPED OFF AND JOIN THE RESISTANCE: https://classicmetalshow.locals.com

- Corporate Scumbags: Private Slack messages prove Live Nation thinks you're a moron.
- The Metallica "Sphere" SCAM: How an $1,800 service fee is actually possible.
- Monopoly Money: Why the DOJ's "settlement" is a total joke that changes nothing.
- The Passion Tax: Why being a ride-or-die metalhead makes you the perfect victim.

GEAR THE CORPORATE CUNTS DON'T WANT YOU TO OWN
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WATCH US LIVE: Every Saturday night from 9 PM - 3 AM EST at www.theclassicmetalshow.com.

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The Nocturnal Affair Join Fear Factory on The Cybernetic Domination Uk & European Tour 2026

Las Vegas dark rockers The Nocturnal Affairreturn to Europe this early fall joining the legendary Los Angeles based Fear Factory. Also supporting with be Japan’s Crystal Lake and Poland’s Hate.

Singer Brendan Shane comments,

https://beyondtheaccess.us3.list-manage.com/track/click?u=030716a354e963e3a8c0f9cea&id=cf9440c9d0&e=27271d8373

The Nocturnal Affair are honored that Fear Factory have given us this opportunity to share the stage with them. Returning to Europe with so many heavy hitters like Fear Factory, Crystal Lake and Hate is a musician's dream. (Plus, Dino and I share the same birthday and it’s happening during this tour!!) We've met so many fans over the past few tours there, I am so excited to see all of you again! Come early, stay late!"

 

The 32 European cities tour kicks off in Poland on August 29th, making stops all over Eastern, Western and Northern Europe and concludes in the U.K. at the O2 Forum in London.  The band’s growing list of stage-mates is testament to the versatility and determination of frontman and writer Brendan Shane, the creative force behind The Nocturnal Affair. And now, they will be joining the legendary Fear Factory opening the big stage all over Europe, so make sure to come early!

 
 
 

Cybernetic Domination UK & European Tour 2026

with Crystal Lake and Hate

Tickets go on sale Friday March 27th

* -- No Crystal Lake

29 August - Poznan, PL - Tama *

30 August - Krakow, PL- Kwadrat *

31 August - Warsaw, PL- Palladium *

02 September - Vilnius, LT - Loftas

03 September - Riga, LV - Palladium

04 September - Tallinn, EE - Helitehas

05 September - Helsinki, Fl - Apollo

06 September - Turku, FI - Logomo

08 September - Stockholm, SE - Fryshuset Klubben

09 September - Copenhagen, DK - Vega

11 September - Ghent, BE - Vooruit

13 September - Nijmegen, NL - Doornroosje

15 September - Köln, DE Live - Music Hall

16 September - Hamburg, DE - Markthalle

17 September - Berlin, DE - Huxleys

18 September - Munich, DE - Kesselhaus

19 September - Esch-Sur Alzette, - LU Rockhal

20 September - Karlsruhe, DE - Substage

21 September - Vienna, AT - Simm City

23 September - Budapest, HU - Barba Negra

24 September - Zagreb, HR - Boogaloo

26 September - Rome, IT - Orion

29 September - Paris, FR - Le Trabendo

01 October - Manchester, UK - Ritz

02 October - Nottingham, UK - Rock City

03 October - Buckley, UK - Tivoli

05 October - Dublin, IE - Academy

06 October - Belfast, UK - Limelight

07 October - Glasgow, UK - Swg3

08 October - Bristol, UK - Prospect

09 October - Southampton, UK - 1865

10 October - London, UK - O2 Forum Kentish Town

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